teabag

In Defense of Teabagging

Teabagging is a dirty word in online gaming, it’s synonymous with immaturity, lack of skill and a host of other attributes one wouldn’t want to associate themselves with. It’s also fucking hilarious. Which is why I do it every chance I get. I personally think that the act of spamming that crouch button over the corpse of your fallen foe gets a bum rap and I wanted to try to explain why it’s really not that bad.

Japan-KFC

The problem that most people seem to have with being bagged on is that it implies that you have no or at the very least, less skill than the person pretending that the crouch button is their first girlfriends clitoris. Others seem to dislike that brings a level of immaturity into a game that has no place being there. Because Halo is a game where you pretend to be a super-soldier who wears ninja armour and that takes a high level of sophistication to fully understand.

In fact, teabagging was so universally detested by the online community at large, that when 343 made Halo 4, they specifically mentioned teabagging as one of the reasons they removed the respawn window. So how then, you may wonder, am I supposed to defend something the designers of the game itself tried to prevent?

Well, gaming, or more specifically, online gaming is about competition, even if you’re playing a single player game, your score is almost always uploaded to some sort of online leaderboard. It’s unavoidable and it’s genius, the best way to ensure people keep playing your game is to give them some sort of goal to aim for, and the easiest way to do that is make them compete with someone else. However, when you have open forum like with Xbox live, Steam or Playstation Network, there is going to be a clear divide in skill.

Halo-4-Multiplayer-Image-1

You’d think that the guy with a helmet made of fire would have been harder to sneak up on.

This divide can kill an online game, if every time someone logs on or spawns they get killed, they’re not going to want to keep playing, we play games to escape reality, if we wanted to keep getting donkey punched by a fourteen year old we’d buy a ticket to Thailand. Teabagging completely levels the playing field, it doesn’t matter if it’s your first game or your thousandth. If you die, no amount of skill in the world can stop someone crouching over your body in an attempt to claim your soul as a prize.

And once that button has been pressed, you’re given a clear goal. When someone presses their sweaty crotch plate into your recently full of buckshot visor, that shit stings worse than sticking your dick into an inside out lemon flavoured condom. It doesn’t matter what the objective of that particular game is, the online world cannot be balanced until you’ve returned the favour.

Teabagging adds a whole new level to the world of online gaming, it adds a sophisticated meta hierarchy to each individual game played where skill is just as important as luck. Which means everyone playing has an equal chance of being the one who wins, it completely levels the playing field for people who just can’t compete with the top players. No matter how good someone thinks they are at the game, there is always the chance that reality will slap their face with its pendulous, sweaty balls in an oddly rhythmic fashion.

Teabagging isn’t about people with no skill being assholes, it’s about making sure the people who have it don’t become one. To me it is anyway.

One comment on “In Defense of Teabagging

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