So, with a great year of gaming behind us, there are plenty of games getting attention, awards for best this and that are being thrown around like nobodys business, so we here at TKOG thought that we’d join in and give you a little list of some of our favourite games of the year (GOTY). Continue reading
Hey there, Chris played Killing Floor for all of you guys…and you’re about to see why he shouldn’t be allowed flare guns.
Around this time of year you’ll see many sites dedicated to gaming listing what they believe to be the best game of 2012, whereas most sites have chosen Far Cry 3, Mass Effect 3, Max Payne 3, Halo 4 or Black Ops 2 or any other number of games with a number in their title citing either graphical achievements or sales, I have chosen a different game, for a different reason. Continue reading
So, a while back, I posted up, ‘The Top 7 Games To Play When You’re Hungover’. Now, we all know how to get to that stage, and that would be with the help of our little friend alcohol. Having some friends round for a game quickly devolves into a debauchery of laughing, crying and generally behaving badly. Now, depending on what games you choose to play, the night can end in one of two ways. Quite often, life-long friendships are broken, little pieces of gamepads can be found scattered around the room and heads are deposited in buckets. Sometimes though, you find the perfect combination of games, the night goes swimmingly and the house is filled of happy drunks, attempting to build a cushion fort in attempt to recreate their favourite minecraft creations. One thing, as we all know, drunken solo gaming isn’t fun, so these games have to be fun with friends. So without further ado, let’s begin! Continue reading
(Written by Joseph Hardy)
EXT. NOT MIDGAR
THE PARTY resumes their hunt for SEPHIROTH but get SIDETRACKED by RANDOM BATTLES, MINIGAMES, PLOT RECAPS and BACKSTORIES. On their way they meet YUFFIE, CAIT SITH, VINCENT and CID.
I’m a ninja who steals stuff and gets travel sick. I’d probably be the thief of the party if the skill system hadn’t rendered every character interchangeable.
I’m a robot cat riding a stuffed animal being controlled remotely by a guy in Shinra. Why my battle mechanics aren’t affected by this, is a mystery.
I’m a collection of belts and zippers given life by professor Hojo. I’m dead upset about my last girlfriend being Sephiroth’s actual mum. Can I have a spin-off?
I wanted to be an astronaut but one of the scientists went OCD and cocked up the launch, causing the space program to be scrapped. I’m very angry and swear a lot, which basically makes me a less ethnic Barret.
THE PARTY eventually learns that SEPHIROTH is heading to the TEMPLE OF THE ANCIENTS to find the BLACK MACGUFFIN.
INT. TEMPLE OF THE ANCIENTS
CLOUD, AERIS and CAIT SITH enter the TEMPLE while the rest of the PARTY waits OUTSIDE because only THREE PEOPLE can travel together at any one time. Eventually they find SEPHIROTH.
What are you planning to do with the Black MacGuffin?
I will summon a meteorite and crash it into the planet. When the planet gathers its magical energy to heal the impact, I will be reborn as a god.
How do you know that this plan will even work?
More to the point, why do you want to be the god of this boring-ass planet?
Ooh is that the time? I need to go for a 3 hour hair appointment.
Ok how do we stop Sephiroth from getting the Black MacGuffin?
Wait, I’m intercepting some exposition from the spirits of the Ancients. Apparently the temple IS the Black MacGuffin. There’s a switch that shrinks the temple but if you use it you’ll get crushed as well.
If only Barret were here to heroically sacrifice himself for the greater good. Oh well, we can send the robot.
CAIT SITH shrinks the TEMPLE and is CRUSHED. For some reason, this is treated as a TRAGIC DEATH SCENE.
Nice, now we can take the Black MacGuffin and keep it safe from Sephiroth.
Hey is that the Black MacGuffin? Could I have it please?
Sure, let me walk over and hand it to you reeeeaaaallllly slooooooowwwwwlllllly.
SEPHIROTH takes the BLACK MACGUFFIN and leaves, while AERIS stands around and WATCHES. A replacement CAIT SITH arrives shortly afterwards.
Well so much for my ultimate sacrifice, what’s going on? Why are you punching Aeris repeatedly?
I’m grinding for experience!
After some CAREFUL CONSIDERATION, CAIT SITH decides to INTERVENE.
EXT. FOREST OF THE ANCIENTS
CLOUD and AERIS find themselves in a FOREST where they FROLIC.
Cloud, don’t feel bad about the fact that you’ve just doomed the entire planet. I’m going to the city of the Ancients to pray for our safety, which is a totally legitimate plan in the face of Armageddon.
That sounds retarded, did you get brain damage or something?
Cut her some slack dude. You were punching her for ages!
CLOUD wakes up from his DREAM and heads off to SAVE AERIS.
INT. CITY OF THE ANCIENTS
THE PARTY finds AERIS praying on an ANCIENT GAZEBO.
Hey I’ve come to save you!
Save me from what?
SEPHIROTH totally KILLS AERIS! This is one of the most SHOCKING MOMENTS IN VIDEOGAMES to anyone who didn’t watch the TRAILERS or look at the BACK OF THE CD CASE.
What the hell? She didn’t even drop any good loot!
I’M VERY SAD! ALLOW ME TO DESCRIBE MY SADNESS IN DETAIL!
I’ll leave you with this segment of my mum and then I’m off to disc 2!
The CHUNK OF JENOVA immediately COLLAPSES UNDER ITS OWN WEIGHT and DIES.
EXT. SWIMMING POOL OF THE ANCIENTS
CLOUD wades out into the WATER where he DUMPS AERIS’S BODY because he has run out of PHOENIX DOWNS.
I will always treasure the times I shared with Aerith, such as when I threw barrels at her and took her into a brothel,
or when we rode a boring gondola after I’d rejected her for a stage hand. And who could forget the time I almost chopped her tits off with my unreasonably large sword?
That was ten minutes ago!
CLOUD proceeds to BOMBARD THE PARTY with SELF-DOUBT, ANGST and ELLIPSES. Fortunately for him they are COOL WITH THAT.
TO BE CONTINUED
(Written by Joseph Hardy)
Chris brings us yet another awesome Ocarina cover, today he plays the melodies of life from Final Fantasy IX. Enjoy.
So, on the site, we have Chris playing the Melodies of Life from FF IX, however, it wasn’t as easy for him as he makes it look. Here’s a little video of him fucking up…lots. Enjoy watching him rage at his camera for a while.
Update: I’ve written a small piece in response to the feedback I’ve been given today, it can be found here.
Yesterday I published this article about why I personally think that fighting games are bad for gaming in general, due to the fact I feel that people from the fighting game scene or community are quick to insult new or casual players, written from the perspective of a casual player. The reaction was immediate and swift, people were quick to start insulting me for just being a casual observer of the scene. Which was so ironically beautiful, Alanis Morissette songs started playing on my laptop as soon as I scrolled down to the comments.
Hey guys, with the Hobbit just being released, Chris thought he would remind you guys of where it all ends up…with Frodo trying to screw some bushes. Watch him as he escapes the Shire in preperation for one of the greatest journeys of all time, but this time in LEGO!
Double update: I’ve written a small piece in response to the feedback I’ve been given today, it can be found here.
Update: In response to the overwhelming response this article has received, I’ve answered as many of the criticisms as possible in a follow-up article.
Video games are becoming an increasingly legitimate form of entertainment, they have adverts for games during primetime TV and the best-selling christmas present are usually video games and consoles. As a fan of the medium I welcome this, more people interested in the medium means more money will be invested in it, which of course means more celebrity voices in games. Liam Neeson as Master Chief, make it happen. Continue reading